A growing field in psychiatry is Internet Psychiatry. Internet Psychiatrists are doctors who are psychiatrists but are also certified to diagnose mental illness through Internet behavior. With the increasing worldwide penetrance of the Internet obviously facilitated by smart phones, this new field of psychiatry is sure to explode. Hereunder are some mental illnesses diagnosable by observing Internet behavior.
INTERNET BEHAVIOR: One who is usually online 24/7 suddenly avoids going online. Opinions or comments dry up. Message boxes are full of unread messages.
PSYCHIATRIC DIAGNOSIS: Depression.
INTERNET BEHAVIOR: Unfriends, distweets, or disinstagrams you one day and sends you a friend request the next day.
PSYCHIATRIC DIAGNOSIS: Manic-Depressive Illness.
INTERNET BEHAVIOR: Responds to every message on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, WhatsApp etc. 24/7/366.
PSYCHIATRIC DIAGNOSIS: Obsessive Compulsive Disease.
INTERNET BEHAVIOR: Never has a positive comment on anything. Baits people to insult them
PSYCHIATRIC DIAGNOSIS: Sado-Machochistic Behavior.
INTERNET BEHAVIOR: Comments authoritatively on any subject usually with the following preamble, “ My take on” or “In my opinion” or “I wish to state categorically.”
PSYCHIATRIC DIAGNOSIS: Megalomania.
INTERNET BEHAVIOR: Shares every post no matter how far-fetched or stupid the original.
post is. When questioned, they respond, “ I got it from the Internet.”
PSYCHIATRIC DIAGNOSIS: Low Self Esteem.
INTERNET BEHAVIOR: Always visiting adult/pornographic sites.
PSYCHIATRIC DIAGNOSIS: Male Erectile Dysfunction
INTERNET BEHAVIOR: Tries to befriend minors who are unrelated by lying about his/her age.
PSYCHIATRIC DIAGNOSIS: Pedophilia.
INTERNET BEHAVIOR: Thinks somebody on the Internet is trying to harm him/her.
PSYCHIATRIC DIAGNOSIS: Schizophrenia.
INTERNET BEHAVIOR: Takes the opposite view on any issue.
PSYCHIATRIC DIAGNOSIS: Oppositional Behavioral Disorder.
INTERNET BEHAVIOR: Spends hours on the Internet but cannot remember the sites he/she visited.
PSYCHIATRIC DIAGNOSIS: Attention Deficit Disorder.
INTERNET BEHAVIOR: Engages in name calling instead of discussing issues e.g. “You are a goat” instead of “I disagree because …….”
PSYCHIATRIC DIAGNOSIS: Mental Retardation.
INTERNET BEHAVIOR: Any message posted by a female attracts bad comments.
PSYCHIATRIC DIAGNOSIS: Misogynist.
INTERNET BEHAVIOR: Threatens to physically harm or kill anybody who disagrees with your opinion.
PSYCHIATRIC DIAGNOSIS: Psychopath
INTERNET BEHAVIOR: Any opinion is judged by race. If the post is by someone from a different race, then he/ she does not know what he/she is talking about.
PSYCHIATRIC DIAGNOSIS: Hatist
INTERNET BEHAVIOR: Likes every post by someone from same race.
PSYCHIATRIC DIAGNOSIS: Racist.
INTERNET BEHAVIOR: Every post is analyzed academically as a professor would.
PSYCHIATRIC DIAGNOSIS: Analytical Personality.
INTERNET BEHAVIOR: Offers solutions to problems in posts.
PSYCHIATRIC DIAGNOSIS: Driving Personality.
INTERNET BEHAVIOR: What is this Internet?
PSYCHIATRIC DIAGNOSIS: Dumb Personality.
INTERNET BEHAVIOR: Likes every post and would describe a bull dog as the prettiest dog and a person who looks like an ogre as beautiful
PSYCHIATRIC DIAGNOSIS: Amiable Personality.
INTERNET BEHAVIOR: Never describes or posts anything less than 100 words.
PSYCHIATRIC DIAGNOSIS: Expressive Personality.
INTERNET BEHAVIOR: Constantly tweeting, emailing, Instagramming, Linkedining, and Googling. One serious case sent out over 4000 emails in a year!
PSYCHIATRIC DIAGNOSIS: Mania
10 thoughts on “INTERNET PSYCHIATRY!”
Keep going dear, as the tallest man of africa you also stand undisturbed on top of the kilimanjaro, and even see Europe and America, through special lens, like most white doctors all the time, not just sitting around diagnosing biological diseases, but also moral, social and political maladies. Thank you so much, Just keep going. Keep burning your candles; we see the light from afar, particularly your pungent satire about Nigeria.. Thanks.
With your encouragement, africastallestman shall even grow taller!
Thank you, Ms. Watkins.
This is on point. Brilliant