AFRICASTALLESTMAN INTERVIEWS PRESIDENT YOWERI MUSEVENI OF UGANDA.
Good day, Mr. President.
President Museveni cuts in.
Please never address me as Mr. or I will end this interview. What type of journalist are you? Now you understand why it took you one year to interview me. Last year on the occasion of my 30 years in office, Makerere University gave me two doctorate degrees, a Ph.D. in Political Science, and a D.Sc. in Military Psychology.
My fault, Dr. Dr. President. It was all in the news but most honorary degree awardees prefer to omit the doctor. Now I know your preference.
Congratulations for removing the age limit on candidates for the Presidency. I was praying, fasting, and tithing to sway the Ugandan Parliament. Obviously, our prayers worked.
Thank you, Africastallestman, you are doing Africa a tall favor by your writings. I was expecting a much taller journalist. I give it to you; your writings are provocative and you tower above all the sycophantic journalists.
President Robert Mugabe was just shoved aside like a rag doll by his own military. What a disgrace! I was hoping to celebrate his 100th birthday with him in seven years. He put Africa in the Guinness Book of World Records for longevity. With the removal of age limits for Ugandan Presidents, I see you setting a new world record.
Is it true, that Guinness Book of World Records will award $5 million to any President who clocks 100 years in office?
Thanks tallest man. You are a true African. That stupid General Constantino Chiwenga, who was a teenager in Mugabe’s Liberation Army had the audacity to disgrace his great grandfather.
However, I must blame President Mugabe. I warned him not to marry Grace, who could be his great granddaughter. He was already sleeping with her, so why the rush to marry.
Young women are ambitious and want power. Also, they cannot keep a secret. General Chiwenga was to be arrested on arrival from China and tried for treason. Grace told somebody, who told someone, who told somebody.
General Chiwenga got wind of the plan and had his loyalists escort him from the airport in Harare. That rubbish cannot happen in Kampala. The whole plane and the General will be blown up!
Yes, it is true that the Guinness Book of World Records has a $5 million prize waiting. President Mugabe was going to give the money to the Fatherless Babies Home in Bulawayo. Remember that it was under Emmerson Mnangagwa’s watch as Security Minister, that tens of thousands were massacred in Ndebele land in the 1980’s by the North Korean trained 5th Brigade.
Zimbabweans sorely needed the money given their economic difficulties.
How do you manage to keep such a diverse country under control for so long? Are you not afraid of your military?
Simple. I use Idi Amin’s system of political control with economic prosperity. A happy well-fed Ugandan does not mind if Museveni outlived Methuselah in office. There was hunger and poverty under Idi Amin. Ugandans were happy when I chased him off.
I enjoy pretty younger women but I do not marry any. Instead, I hook them up with my military top brass who are great womanizers. They prefer foreign women as most African men do. I import tons of pretty women from the Middle East to grace my parties where they easily hook up with my military top brass. Give a soldier, a woman and alcohol and he will reveal any secret to you.
These ladies are my eyes on the military. The military is afraid of me. I used to be a guerrilla fighter as President Mugabe was.
Now, I understand why you have two doctoral degrees. Makerere should award you a third doctorate in Womanology.
Thank you Dr. Dr. President. I am reserving my place for your 100th birthday and 58 years in office in 2044.
Thank you, Africastallestman.
You are very welcome, Dr. Dr. President.