THE BOKO HARAM IMPROVEMENT ACT, 2016
A
Bill
For

An Act to ensure that Boko Haram Members do not stray from their religious belief.

Enacted by the National Assembly of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

PREAMBLE
1. Whereas every Nigerian citizen is guaranteed the freedom of religious expression and association, deceitful religious practices by any religious denomination be it Animist, Christian, Moslem, or Non-denominational will not be condoned by any self-respecting government especially when such practices run counter to the beliefs, faith, principles, tenets, constitution, bye-laws and canons of such religion. In this respect, the Nigerian National Assembly respects the right of any citizen to join Boko Haram or any other religious or nonreligious sect or cult as enshrined in our constitution. However, when Boko Haram or any other religious or nonreligious sect or cult decides to jettison the basic belief upon which their group is built, the government has to step in to enforce that belief especially when such non-adherence is causing loss of lives and property of its citizens. Any government that fails to do so will be shirking its responsibility to its citizenry.
2. Boko Haram was founded on the basic belief that Western Education is evil and should be avoided by all Boko Haram members. As a corollary, all products of Western Education such as cell phones, the Internet, explosives, automobiles, motor bikes, apparels made by industrial looms, canned food, shoes made with Western technology, guns made with Western technology and any article made with Western technology are anathema and abhorrent to Boko Haram and its adherents. In furtherance of their belief, Boko Haram will kill or kidnap anybody who is in a Western style educational institution, watching Western style movies, listening to Western music, drinking Western-style beer or liquor, or smoking Western cigarettes.
3. Contrary to their beliefs, Boko Haram members have been observed traveling on Western-built automobiles, Western-built armored cars, Western-built motorbikes and other Western-built mobility devices while wearing Western-style military fatigues as they go on their kidnapping and killing sprees. They use Western-style explosive devices packed in Western-built automobiles to kill and maim people and destroy property. Such contradictory and hypocritical behavior is the reason for this act.
4. Since Boko Haram has strayed from its founding belief and principle, both houses of the Nigerian National Assembly has decided to enact the Boko Haram Improvement Act, 2016 to help Boko Haram in its prosecution of total avoidance of Western education, technology, and influence. Failure by Boko Haram members to follow their teachings shall attract the following penalties:

PUNISHMENT
1. The death penalty shall be administered to any Boko Haram member who maims or kills another citizen with any Western-built gun, Western-built explosive, Western-built sledgehammer, Western-built axe, Western-built knife, Western-built bows and arrows or any object that is Western-built either in existence or yet to be discovered.
2. The death penalty shall also apply to any Boko Haram member who is fleeing from a scene where she or he has harmed or killed somebody with his/her fists, or a non-Western object such as stones, rocks, a locally made dagger, knife or bow and arrow; on Western-built mobility devices such as boats, automobiles, bicycles, tricycles, aircrafts, “Keke Napeps,” “Adakas” or “Okadas,” helicopters, armored vehicles, tanks, motorbikes, hovercraft, jet skis, all-terrain vehicles or any Western-built mobility device not mentioned in this Act.
3. When a Boko Haram member kills or maims somebody without any Western-built object but using objects such as his/her fists, stones, rocks or locally made bows and arrows, the relevant section of the Criminal code shall be used in judging that person.
4. A Boko Haram member found eating with a utensil made with Western-style technology shall be jailed for six (6) months with hard labor and/or a fine of 100,000 (one hundred thousand) Naira.
5. Wearing of any apparel by any Boko Haram member manufactured with Western technology including but not limited to military-style fatigues and uniforms, eyeglasses, sunshades, Western jewelry, blouses, shirts, pants (trousers), sweaters, underwear, jackets, coats, vests, singlets, tee shirts, and scarves will result in imprisonment for one (1) year with hard labor.
6. Drinking of any alcoholic beverage or smoking cigarettes, cigars or pipes manufactured with Western technology by any Boko Haram member shall attract a jail sentence of two (2) years with hard labor and/or a fine of 300,000 (three hundred thousand) Naira.
7. Using the Internet, watching TV, playing a DVD/CD device, listening to the radio, using a desktop or laptop, using an MP3 player, playing video games, using a cell phone, communicating via two way radios, using satellite devices, or using any other communication device built with Western technology by a Boko Haram member is punishable by imprisonment with hard labor for five (5) years without the option of a fine.
8. Any member of Boko Haram caught communicating with another member or any other person in any Western language shall receive twenty-four (24) strokes inflicted with a “Bulala”-style whip on his/her bare buttocks at a public event.
9. A Boko Haram member caught sleeping on a Western styled bed and mattress shall be made to sleep only on a locally made straw mat for the rest of his/her life plus 7 years. If a Boko Haram member is caught sleeping on a Western style bed after conviction for a prior offense, he/she shall be imprisoned for 12 months without the option of a fine.
10. Boko Haram members are legally permitted to use donkeys, horses and camels as means of transportation. Any member of Boko Haram found traveling in a car, bus, lorry or truck, motorbike, aircraft, boat (except a hand-dug canoe propelled by paddles), ship, spacecraft or any other transportation device built by Western technology is liable to two (2) years imprisonment with hard labor without the option of a fine.
10. Reading any statement from paper made with Western technology or writing on paper made with Western technology or using writing instruments made with Western technology by a Boko Haram member is punishable by 18-month imprisonment with hard and/or a fine of 200,000 (two hundred thousand) Naira. The same punishment shall apply to posting videos on the Internet. Using gongs, drums, and locally made flutes to communicate is allowed. Writing with reed pens with locally made dyes on leaves or on locally made materials such as fabrics by a Boko Haram member is also allowed.
I CERTIFY, IN ACCORDANCE WITH SECTION 2 (l) OF THE ACTS AUTHENTICATION ACT, CAP. A2, LAWS OF THE FEDERATION OF NIGERIA 2004, THAT THIS IS A TRUE COPY OF THE BILL PASSED BY BOTH HOUSES OF THE NATIONAL ASSEMBLY.

electronically signed
Wazobia Anajiri, MON (Member of Nigeria), PWD, UAC, JP.

CLERK TO THE NATIONAL ASSEMBLY
8TH DAY OF JULY 2016

Glossary:
Adakas – Motor cycle
Bulala – Horse whip
Keke Napeps – Tricycle
Okadas – Motor cycle