ZONING IN NIGERIA: A RECIPE FOR RETRODEVELOPMENT
Zone A incumbent dribbles Nigeria past all structural, fiscal, and social obstacles.
Nigerians are knocking at the gates of Xanadu awaiting for the doors to be flung open.
Zone B incumbent hugs Nigeria in a holding pattern, there is no forward or backward movement.
Zone C incumbent tackles Nigeria and scores an own goal and Nigerians are displaced from Xanadu to the gates of Hades.
Zone D incumbent pleads with Almighty Devil to spare Nigerians by not flinging open the gates of Hades.
Devil demands a hefty bribe which Zone D candidate fulfills by massive borrowing from any entity wishing to lend to Nigeria.
Zone E incumbent is so aghast at the state of Nigeria and Nigerians that he spends his tenure pleading with debtors and the Devil not to foreclose Nigeria.
Zone F incumbent is incapable of dribbling Nigeria in any direction. Spectators – Foreigners – invade the pitch and every Nigerian is running for dear life.
Zone A incumbent returns to power but could not handle the state of anarchy and anomie that is masquerading as Nigeria.
Retrodevelopment becomes the Nigerian way of life and the Naira is trading at 1,000 to one dollar.
Nigerians start trekking to Europe through the Sahara Desert, many die in the torrid desert and drown in the Mediterranean Sea.
The ills of Zoning is bared to the World and the United Nations passes a Resolution banning Zoning, which is promptly vetoed by Britain.
Did anyone say Britain?