PHONE CONVERSATIONS BETWEEN PUTIN AND TRUMP; AND BETWEEN TRUMP AND ZELENSKY
Grrrrrrrrm! Grrrrrrrrm! Grrrrrrrrm!
PRESIDENT PUTIN:
Do not do it. Don’t even try it.
PRESIDENT TRUMP:
Vladimir, try what?
PRESIDENT PUTIN:
Sell anti-tank missiles to Ukraine. If any Russian soldier dies, you are toast.
PRESIDENT TRUMP:
Not so fast, Vladimir, Congress has authorized transferring the weapons to Ukraine but I beautifully have the final say.
Are those tapes still safe?
PRESIDENT PUTIN:
Well for now if you play along. You must invent a reason to withhold sending the weapons to Ukraine.
PRESIDENT TRUMP:
Leave that to the one who invented the art of the deal. Ukraine is not going to get those weapons.
PRESIDENT PUTIN:
The tapes are safe, no one is going to see them.
PRESIDENT TRUMP:
Let me work on the comedian, Mr. Volodymyr Zelensky, Ukraine’s President.
PRESIDENT PUTIN:
Just remember the tapes.
PRESIDENT TRUMP:
Bye, let me call Zelensky.
Grrrrrrrrm! Grrrrrrrrm! Grrrrrrrrm!
PRESIDENT ZELENSKY:
Is this President Trump?
PRESIDENT TRUMP:
Who else will be calling you at 4:00am?
PRESIDENT ZELENSKY:
Sorry, glad to speak with the most powerfully tremendous man in the world. I forgot you are up all night tweeting. Governing by Twitter™️ is tremendously unique. Makes the job easy. Hire by Twitter™️, fire by Twitter™️.
PRESIDENT TRUMP:
Enough of the pleasantries. How is the Hunter and Joe Biden investigation going on?
PRESIDENT ZELENSKY:
Do you want me to incur the wrath of the US Congress? I do not want the Russian treatment – sanctions on Ukraine.
PRESIDENT TRUMP:
Well, if you do not investigate the Bidens, I will withhold those arms, including the anti-tank weapons. Your country is tremendously corrupt and without those arms, Russian soldiers will be in Kiev in a few months.
You better make a public announcement, preferably CNN, announcing the Biden investigation. No comedy, this is real politics. I hope you realize that politics is no comedy.
PRESIDENT ZELENSKY:
If you release your tax returns, I will make that announcement on CNN. While I will take credit for the tax return, you take credit for initiating the Biden probe. I am serious, no comedy. Releasing your tax returns and business transactions will show the world you are not corrupt.
PRESIDENT TRUMP:
You either comply with my request or forget the US arms. Do not play with the most powerful man in the world.
PRESIDENT ZELENSKY:
Yes Sir.
PRESIDENT TRUMP:
By the way, do not forget to include the origin of the 2016 Russian interference in the US Election, in your investigation.
PRESIDENT ZELENSKY:
Mr. President, you are speaking with the President of Ukraine, not Russia. How would I know that the Russians interfered in the 2016 US Election? This is not 1991. Ukraine separated from Russia in 1991.
PRESIDENT TRUMP:
Well, Ukraine used to be part of Russia. I am ordering you to do those investigations, no more questions.
PRESIDENT ZELENSKY:
Thanks, President Trump. I’ll do my best. Good evening. It was humongously tremendous talking with a great man.