ASO ROCK RATS EXPLODE!
The rats did not really explode but explosion of persons is a favorite Nigerian Newspaper Headline. Reveals or revelations make for weak headlines and may have religious connotations.
Hon. Rattus Niger, the indefatigable leader of Aso Rock rats, is worried that the present occupant of Aso Rock Presidential Villa may not be Muhammadu Buhari. In a recent chat with Broken News, he gave the following reasons as buttressing the rats’ suspicions;
1. Unknown Illnesses are usually fatal and incurable,
2. This present “Buhari” is getting more vibrant and vivacious as he gets older,
3. The food crumbs left by the old Buhari have disappeared,
4. This Buhari scraps his plate clean. He is always hungry,
5. This Buhari speaks a foreign language,
6. Visiting Sudanese rats on vacation in Nigeria confirmed that it is Beja, spoken in Sudan,
7. Buhari fears two men in the villa and starts shaking when they talk to him,
8. The Fulani rats who once held sway in Aso Rock cannot communicate with Buhari in Fulfulde,
9. The Fulani rats initially raised the alarm that this Buhari may be a doppelgänger,
10. Finally, the birth mark on Muhammadu Buhari’s back is lacking in this Buhari.
Hon Rattus Niger in conclusion said, “We do not want to be drawn into partisan Nigerian politics, we are only detailing our observations. Only Nigerians can decide on their leadership. We do not distinguish between APC, YPP, and PDP breadcrumbs. Bread crumb is bread crumb.”