COMMINIQUE ISSUED BY NIGERIAN RATS ON THE INVASION OF PRESIDENT MUHAMMADU BUHARI’S OFFICE.
Abuja, Nigeria, August 24, 2017.
We learnt with dismay as every Nigerian did, that rats have taken over the office of President Muhammadu Buhari. Nigerian rats are well behaved and considerate. We are known to leave some food for humans despite not satisfying our hunger. We do not bother Nigerians during the day. We conduct our business at night.
An investigation by our members revealed that the offending rats are not Nigerian, but rats from Senegal and Mali that infiltrated the country with Fulani herdsmen. There lies the dangers of unsecured borders. Next, they may come with venomous snakes from Senegal and Mail. We have taken care of the problem at Aso Rock Presidential Office. All the foreign rats have been eliminated. We do not want the President’s supporters to manhandle us as they did with Charly Boy and his “Our Mumu Don Pass” group.
Our President deserves the utmost respect. We would have taken care of the problem earlier. We only knew about the incident last night when our human friends became overtly aggressive and killed some of us. Then one of our literate rats, Hon Rattus Niger watched the TV news and intimated us of the problem. Nigerians are assured that there will be no future invasions by foreign rats, anywhere in Nigeria.
PS. If your President does not resume work in his real office, and not the bedroom office in 5 days, then there is more to this rat story.
Hon. Rattus Niger
On behalf of one billion Nigerian rats.