Nigerian Rulers And Leaders Have Been Sleeping Forever.

Nigerian Rulers And Leaders Have Been Sleeping Forever.

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1960
Mr. Aja Wachuku: He started the sleeping disorder after independence. But it predates Nigeria’s independence. Zik, Awo, and Ahmadu Bello were sleeping when the British combined at least three countries into one country. When asked why he was sleeping at the United Nations, Aja Wachuku quipped, “Is Nigeria, a nation or an arrangement? When we have a real nation, I have instructed the Norwegian Ambassador to wake me up.” And he promptly went back to sleep.

1960 – 1966
Alhaji Abukakar Tafawa Balewa: A primary school teacher managing a modern country. That was a recipe for disaster. Despite a constant supply of stimulants in the form of kola nuts, he either fell asleep when the going got tough or left it to the Sarduana of Sokoto, Alhaji Ahmadu Bello, the real Prime Minister of NIgeria to manage. He was removed by some young military majors while he was sleeping.

1966 – 1966
General Johnson Thomas Umunnakwe Aguiyi-Ironsi: He was so sleepy that he did not realize that his bodyguards were really assassins in military uniforms, who were on a mission to kill him. He paid the ultimate price along with his loyal host and governor of Western Region, Adekunle Fajuyi.

1966 – 1975
General Yakubu Gowon: A bigtime sleeper that claimed that Nigeria had so much money that she did not know what to do with the money. Since money could not solve our problems he resorted to praying after he left office to solve the same problems. Praying has never been proven to build roads, bridges, telecommunications, schools, water systems, airports, farms, and manpower. Since he started praying for Nigeria, doctors have downgraded Nigeria’s health condition from fair to critical and has transfered the country to intensive care. I hope that somebody tells him to stop praying for Nigeria and instead pray for himself.

1975 – 1976
General Murtala Mohammed: Did not get to sleep much. As he was about to start sleeping, he was mowed down by assasins’ bullets.

1976 – 1979
General Olusegun Obasanjo: An accidental President that took office after the assassination of Murtala Mohammed. He napped so much that 2.8 billion of Nigeria’s oil revenues disappeared under his watch. And the then head of the NNPC was Muhammadu Buhari.

1979 – 1983
Alhaji Shehu Shagari: A soft spoken gentleman, whom you could not tell if he was sleeping or not. He was not imposing in stature so he could not challenge all the financial debauchery going on around him. The one time that he decided to sleep away his troubles, he woke up to find himself in Shagari Village, Sokoto State, surrounded by soldiers. On waking up he inquired, “Why am I here? I am the President of this country.” The soldiers promptly reminded him that Major General Muhammadu Buhari is now the President of Nigeria. He fainted after shouting, “Walahi Talahi,” and promptly returned to sleep.

1983 – 1992
General Ibrahim Babangida: Dubbed the master dribbler, he dribbled the nation so much that everybody fell asleep. He then shared the nation’s assets and import licenses amongst a few cronies favoring the North as usual but sprinkling a little all over the nation. The recipients of this financial windfall went on to become bilionaires in dollar terms. The nation woke up from sleep after he annulled the June 1991 election. He tried to sleep after being awake for 9 years fending off military coups (military elections) and was in turn dribbled out of office by an ineffective acting President Ernest Shonekan, who himself was sent packing by General Sani Abacha.

1992 – 1999
General Sani Abacha: You could not tell whether he was sleeping or not because he always wore dark glasses. Once some generals thought that he was sleeping and plotted to remove him. To the greatest surprise of the plotters, he recounted in details everything they had said while he was thought to be sleeping. He did sleep very deeply in the presence of imported foreign women. The speculation is that he was poisoned by one of them on orders from a foreign government.

1999 – 2007
Chief Olusegun Obasanjo: Obasanjo returns as civilian President. While he was sleeping in office, he did not rehabilitate a single refinery, improve electricity generating capacity or maintian the roads. On leaving office, he was pleasantly surprised to find the entire nation in darkness. He also expressed surprise at the traffic congestion caused by roads which had a budgetary allocation of over 300 billion Naira, that disappeared into thin air. His senior domestic assistant stole so much of his money during his sleeping episodes that the assistant became a Naira trillioinaire in 8 years.

2007 -2010
Alhaji Umar Musa Yar’adua: He started sleeping before his election as President of Nigeria. He slept through the presidential campaign that proxies had to campaign for him. During a campaign rally, his predecessor, Olusegun Obasanjo had to put a call to him, while he was sleeping on a hospital bed somewhere in Europe and posed the famous question, “Umoru, are you dead?” The people were not assured but he was still “elected.” He continued to sleep in various hospitals in Germany and Saudi Arabia. As he was sleeping in Saudi Arabia, his handlers gave fake interviews to the BBC (British Broadcasting Corporation) mimicking his voice and they also forged his signature on appropriation bills. Surreptitiously, he was smuggled “dead” on life support into Nigeria in the middle of the night, only to be pronounced dead 10 weeks later.

2010 – 2015
Dr. Goodluck Jonathan: The President who was so drowsy all the time that the people that he surrounded himself with, looted the nation. A meek, humble, and timid leader, whose drowsy inattention allowed his appointed electoral chief to rig him out of office. During a 2014 national conference organized during his time in office, to restructure Nigeria, most of the participants slept during the conference. One particular participant, a retired police officer slept so much, that other participants did not realize that he was dead.

2015 –
Alhaji Muhammadu Buhari: Buhari is past his prime and as an old man, he sleeps all the time and when he wakes up, he may make the wrong statement, fire the right people, or send the DSS (Department of State Security), EFCC (Economic and Financial Crimes Commission), or CCB (Code of Conduct Bureau) on a witchhunt of his adversaries and perceived enemies. With the other sleepers, the economy continued to grow but under Buhari, Nigeria may soon overtake Zimbabwe as the worst economy in Africa. Buhari is so stubborn that he has refused the kolanuts meant to keep him awake. He has directed his WAI (War Against Indiscipline) Police to whip anybody who brings kolanut around him. When told that the Naira is depreciating against the dollar, he ordered the Naira to be thoroughly whipped and wondered why a foreign currency can defeat the Naira on its home soil.

President Buhari publicly claimed that while he was sleeping on the job, some powerful individuals imported terrorist herdsmen from Libya, Mali, Guinea, and Senegal to massacre Nigerian Christians and farmers. Asked why he did not send his Goons of State (DSS, EFCC, CCB, ARMY, POLICE) to arrest the powerful people? He replied, “How can I arrest powerful people backed by Sharia?”

Buhari has not only been sleeping on the job but has spent half his tenure at the Hospital For Unknown Illnesses in the United Kingdom. Recently, he was invited by the International Criminal Court at The Hague to inspect where he will spend the rest of his life after retirement, sleeping.

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