Are you finding it difficult to pay your bills? Are you living from paycheck to paycheck? Do you avoid answering unknown phone calls from debtors? Are you finding it difficult to feed yourself and your family? Are you tired of your automobile constantly breaking down? In short, are you broke? If you answered yes to any of these questions, we have a great business opportunity for you – Religion.
Do you know that the new age Christian Pastors are the most highly paid professionals in the world? In two months, you can go from a penniless individual to a tithe-raking pastor. We will train you to become a fire-breathing, tongue-talking, anointed man of God. We do not do the anointing but after training you can wake up one morning, claim to have seen God in your dream last night and start healing and blessing people in your home. As soon as you convince enough Mugus you can move into a hotel conference hall and finally have a church of your own.
Remember to establish your church in a poor, crime-infested area of a city where the hapless inhabitants are always praying and hoping for miracles to lift them out of their abysmal poverty. Claim every propitious event as resulting from your prayers and incantations. Plant hired agents in the community to spread the word about your powers to intervene and solve every possible problem including global warming.
Finally in two to three years, you may find yourself owning a huge mansion in a choice area of the city with a spanking brand new Lear Jet® ready to whisk you around the world on your evangelical missions. We can give you all these religious skills for a small fee or a promissory note to be fulfilled from your future church earnings. Muslims are not welcome because any attempt to form any new Muslim denomination is a fatwable offense. I “support” the Muslims on this one as we have far too many denominations of the various major Religions.
Every single day, there is a new Christian Denomination claiming to represent the “truth.” A constantly changing truth is nothing but a lie according to Chidiogo, the famous philosopher. I wish that Christians especially the poor uneducated Christians will finally see the light of the day and shun these new-fangled, economy-depressing, and fraud-ridden new ministries. But you cannot fight these religious fraudsters without education, jobs, and employment. These fake, self-anointed pastors are practically non-existent in the highbrow, affluent, and exclusive parts of modern cities. The residents of these enclaves are already in heaven and do not need salvation anymore. As Americans will say it, “Go figure.”
If you are interested call 1 (777) SAV-SOUL or 1 (777) 728-7685.