IRAN: TRUMP PHONES PUTIN ABOUT A DEAL ON IRAN, CUBA, UKRAINE, AND VENEZUELA
TRUMP: Please do not release the Moscow files.
PUTIN: As long as you do not supply arms to Ukraine.
TRUMP: Deal
PUTIN: Yeah, Deal
TRUMP: Thanks, my friend.
PUTIN: I see. Are you attacking my friends in Iran, Venezuela, and Cuba as we agreed? Russia cannot continue to prop up those states, especially with the war in Ukraine draining Russian resources. Those countries are now your responsibility.
TRUMP: Well, I did not attack Iran until after they transferred the Shahed-131 drone technology to you. Those drones are helping you kill civilians and destroy civilian infrastructure in Ukraine. Those Ukrainians are tough. It seems they fight harder when they are freezing to death.
PUTIN: How do you know about the Shahed-131 drone?
TRUMP: Well, I am reading from a teleprompter.
PUTIN: Remember our agreement, I take Ukraine and you take Cuba and Venezuela. With Iran crippled, oil prices rise and I gain. Win-win for both of us.
TRUMP: I like this deal but I lost my tariff weapon. My own Republican Supreme Court overruled me on tariffs. The Europeans are still supplying Ukraine with lethal weapons and I cannot stop them.
PUTIN: My friend, that’s your problem and if you do not convince the Europeans to stop arming Ukraine, I’ll release the Moscow files. The Epstein files will be child’s play compared to the Moscow files. Restrain your boy, Netanyahu. The Iranians have a long memory and he will not get away with poisoning the Iranian people with oil. This war may last 30 years or forever.
TRUMP: I have to go as I have a press conference to explain why I killed school children in Iran.
PUTIN: Just tell them it was Iran and never admit it was a Tomahawk missile. If the debris implicates you, claim Iran stole a Tomahawk missile from Israel and launched it from the Abraham Lincoln floating in the Indian Ocean.
TRUMP: Thanks, buddy. How can I survive without you?
PUTIN: Bye, go and continue your bombing of innocent civilians in Iran, Venezuela, and Cuba. Don’t forget to invade Greenland to detract from the Epstein files.
https://www.nytimes.com/2026/03/08/world/middleeast/iran-minab-school-strike.html