AFRICASTALLESTMAN INTERVIEWS EX-ANAMBRA GOVERNOR, WILLIE OBIANO, AT A BAR IN HOUSTON, TEXAS

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Good night, Governor Obiano

OBIANO:
Good night, Africastallestman

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
It is almost bedtime and why are we having this interview in a bar?

OBIANO:
Osodieme follows me around to ensure that I do not talk to other women. She is sound asleep at home and we can have an uninterrupted interview.
Osodieme may also get angry and slap me if I give a wrong answer — an answer that may be right but she disagrees with.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Why is your greatest regret since leaving office?

OBIANO:
Suspending some Anambra Traditional Rulers for visiting Buhari.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Were you sober when you suspended the Traditional Rulers?

OBIANO:
Not really, I am suing Glenfiddich since I was under the influence of a 75-year-old bottle of Glenfiddich. You should never drink any liquor older than you. Glenfiddich failed to put that warning on their label.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
What does Osodieme mean?

OBIANO:
Osodieme means “do as your husband.”

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Who started the drinking, sorry doing, you or Osodieme?

OBIANO:
Please look around, the last time I said it was Osodieme, she slapped me in the presence of Buhari.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Really, I also heard she slapped Bianca Ojukwu and as First Lady of Anambra State slapped several individuals some of whom are now deaf in both ears.

OBIANO:
Yesooooooooo, why do you think I ran to Houston immediately after I left office. Without my immunity, imagine how I would be slapped around on the streets of Anambra State?

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Many communities including Aguleri, Nawfia, Ndiolumbe… are angry with your meddling in their traditional affairs.

OBIANO:
Africastallestman, please implore Mr. Governor, Prof. Charles Soludo to reverse all my igweship decisions. I want peace to reign in Anambra State.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Why are you always seen with a dog and what is your dog doing in a bar?

OBIANO:
It is a trained dog and can guide me home when I am intoxicated. Sometimes, I drink so much that Uber and Lyft drivers refuse to take me home. My dog also protects me from Osodieme who is unpredictable and may slap me anytime. My dog once bit her for slapping me.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Did you really think that Osodieme would have been elected to the Senate?

OBIANO:
I warned her not to contest but she brushed aside my objections. If she was going to garner 20 votes, after the slap and counter slap by Bianca Ojukwu at Soludo’s inauguration, she was going to get two votes — her vote and mine.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Will you be in Nigeria for the holidays?

OBIANO:
I am undecided.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Well, since we may not cross paths before the holidays, extend my regards to Osodieme and Kai-Kai, your dog.

OBIANO:
Africastallestman, how did you know that my dog is named after a local gin. Nothing escapes you.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Good morning,  Governor Obiano

OBIANO:
Good morning, Africastallestman, I know you hate brown envelopes so I am not offering you any.

PS. Africastallestman has never interviewed anyone this late at night, however, as always there is always a first!