MEDICAL NEWS OF THE WORLD
DOLLAR BILLS CURE OBESITY, HYPERTENSION, AND DIABETES

A study by Havad University has proven the superiority of the dollar over medication in the management of obesity, hypertension, and diabetes.

A group of residents of Alabama was divided into two cohorts — two evenly distributed groups. The groups were supposed to be followed for 20 years. All had obesity, hypertension, and diabetes at the beginning of the study.

Group A had daily infusions of greenbacks — dollars — while Group B was left in abject poverty.

Group A quit eating pork rinds and bacon and switched to choice cuts of beef. They also started smoking more expensive cigarettes, made fruit and vegetables a daily staple, and quit smoking the cancer-causing cheap cigarettes. Moonshine liquor was ditched for French cognac. They took vacations and some acquired concubines.

Group B continued eating pork rinds and bacon, avoided vegetables and fruits, kept smoking cheap cancer-causing cigarettes, drinking moonshine, and were sex-starved. Their menial jobs banned vacations.

Both groups had the same health insurance coverage.

The study had to be terminated after two years because 70 percent of Group A reversed their obesity, hypertension, and diabetes. Thirty percent of Group B died while the preexisting medical diagnoses of the survivors worsened.

The investigators from Havad University recommend that poverty alleviation is cheaper and superior to medications in the management of obesity, hypertension, and diabetes.

Big Pharma lobbyists have challenged the conclusions arguing that not enough Whites were included in the study.