THANK YOU JESUS, FOR NOT ANSWERING MY PRAYERS!

I prayed for crack cocaine
You substituted with cigarettes
Both deadly to humans
However, crack kills earlier
Thanks Jesus, for the extra years.

I prayed for a Lamborghini
You gave me a Lancia
Lamborghini, sure to attract trouble
Lancia, comes with peace of mind
Thanks Jesus, for sparing me the anguish.

I prayed for alcohol
You gave me water
Alcohol sure to clog my senses
And damage my liver
Thanks Jesus for looking over me.

I prayed for Vicodin*
You proffered Vitamins
Spared me the addictIon of Vicodin
Vitamins improved my health
Thanks Jesus, for caring.

I prayed and desired promiscuity
You steered me to monogamy
Sparing me STDs and penury
Avoided endless child support
Thanks Jesus, for not answering my prayers.

I prayed for long life and
I am eagerly waiting
Yes, to join you in Heaven
Ending my earthly woes, or
No thanks, prolonging my earthly woes.

*Vicodin – Oxycodone and Acetaminophen/Paracetamol combination.