AFRICASTALLESTMAN INTERVIEWS STUART SYMINGTON, US AMBASSADOR TO NIGERIA

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Good Afternoon, Your Excellency.

AMBASSADOR SYMINGTON:
Good Afternoon, Africastallestman.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Mazi Nnamdi Kanu recently alleged that you were aware that an impostor from Sudan, Jubrin-al-Sudani aka Muhammadu Buhari was presented to President Trump, as Nigeria’s President and he proceeded to execute documents on behalf of Nigeria.

AMBASSADOR SYMINGTON:
I am here to advance America’s interest and not Nigeria’s interest. Is America sure that the guy sitting in the White House is Donald J. Trump? There is no way he could have become a billionaire acting the way he is. Is it possible that the Republicans have substituted a doppelgänger for the real Trump?
Anyone that Nigeria presents as her President is acceptable to America. The less qualified and out of touch, the better for America.
In Trumpian fashion, America will get tremendously, tremendously fantastic, great deals with Jubrin Buhari than with Muhammadu Buhari.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Could that explain why Jubrin Buhari paid $500 million for war planes that do not exceed $200 million?

AMBASSADOR SYMINGTON:
President Trump “wrote” The Art of The Deal or at least dictated it. Jubrin Buhari was so lifeless in Washington that Trump commented on it. He may have signed over Nigeria to Trump.
A new Massa-Slave relationship may be in the offing.
Rumor has it that this Jubrin man was an Almajiri teacher in Khartoum, who never left Sudan until he was hired by Abba Kyari to become Nigeria’s President.
How do you expect him to negotiate with world leaders?

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Mr Ambassador, how do you know all these facts?

AMBASSADOR SYMINGTON:
Do you want me to tell you where, and what you ate for lunch?

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Go ahead.

AMBASSADOR SYMINGTON:
You ate jollof rice with goat meat at Madam Ngozi’s in Gwagwalada. You left Gwagwalada at 1:34 pm and boarded a gray Nissan taxicab.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Am I safe?

AMBASSADOR SYMINGTON:
We are tracking you for your own safety. The world needs satirists such as Africastallestman. America will not let Jubrin Buhari “khashoggi” you. Political satire is part of American journalism.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Thanks for looking out for me. Why has America turned a blind eye to the killing of Christians in Nigeria? The forebears of these Christians provided the slave labor that built America. The Islamic Hausa¬-Fulani did not contribute to the building of America. They transferred captured Africans to feudal Arabs, and many were slaughtered after being used as slaves.
Jubrin Buhari has killed more Christians since his public rebuke by Trump. The mellow response by Jubrin Buhari to that strong public rebuke by Trump, also confirms that the real Buhari is dead. Muhammadu Buhari would have said “kujin farjin ku” to Trump and walked away.

AMBASSADOR SYMINGTON:
What is “kujin farjin ku?”

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
It is a swear in Hausa involving your mum’s private part.

AMBASSADOR SYMINGTON:
My mum! F… you!

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
I did not realize Ambassadors swear. You have not answered my question about the killings in Nigeria by the Fulanis.

AMBASSADOR SYMINGTON:
The five permanent members of the United Nations Security Council, China, France, Russia, United Kingdom, and France have divided the world into spheres of influence. Nigeria is in the British sphere of influence. Britain cannot interfere in the Philippines and Honduras just as America cannot interfere in Nigeria or Cameroon. Nigeria is owned by Britain and Cameroon is owned by France. China owns Ethiopia, Sri Lanka, and Zambia. Russia owns Cuba.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Why were you posted to a shit hole country such as Nigeria?
Is it a punishment or an honor?

AMBASSADOR SYMINGTON:
Nigeria may be a shit hole country but her light crude oil sure smells and sells well.
Trump is a businessman who realizes the importance of Nigeria to America. America may not be buying Nigerian crude oil currently, but her allies depend on Nigerian crude oil to power their commerce and industries.
Moreover, every US Ambassador posted to Nigeria has gone to bigger and more influential jobs in Washington DC and the United Nations.
Examples include;
Princeton Nathan Lyman,
Walter Carrington,
John Campbell,
Robin R. Sanders,
Donald B. Easum,
John Edward Reinhardt,
Thomas R. Pickering,
William L. Swing,
James F. Entwistle,
Joseph Palmer, and
Stephen Low.
The diversity of language, religion, culture, and political intrigue in Nigeria makes the Nigerian Ambassadorial posting a good training ground, for US diplomats.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Dear Ambassador, Africastallestman implores you to urge Trump to stop the killings in Nigeria. Currently, Terrorists are overrunning Nigeria, starting from the North East as Nigerian Soldiers are consumed with python dancing, far away from the theater of war.
If care is not taken, they may soon be knocking on your door. Remember Terrorists killed the US Ambassador to Libya, Mr. J. Christopher Stevens.
A sovereign state of Biafra may be a good bulwark against the Jihadists in Nigeria. As a businessman, Trump will soon discover that Jubrin Buhari is bad business.

AMBASSADOR SYMINGTON:
I have noted all your suggestions and shall be meeting with President Trump next week in Washington. Be careful while in Nigeria. We cannot provide you with 24/7 protection.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Thanks your Excellency, for taking time out of your busy schedule to talk with a citizen of a shit hole continent.

AMBASSADOR SYMINGTON:
You are welcome and have a nice trip back to the Internet from whence you came.