BUHARI OPENS UP

Africastallestman interviews Alhaji Muhammadu Buhari, on why he seeks a second term, despite the worldwide unfavorable reviews of his administration.

Africastallestman:
Barka da rana, Alhaji President.

Buhari:
Please make this interview short, as I have not taken my afternoon pills.

Africastallestman:
Why are you seeking a second term?

Buhari:
Firstly, it is my constitutional right.
Secondly, who won die?
I would have died if not for the Presidency. I went from 150 pounds to 100 pounds in six months. On my return, after my three-month stay in London at The Hospital for Unknown Illnesses, I was almost blown away by wind gusts from the helicopter rotors.
I want also to publicly acknowledge Alhaji Mohammed Jubrin, whose organs helped save my life.
Blood transfusions from White donors are better than blood transfusions from Black donors.

Africastallestman:
I never thought you spoke Pidgin English. Are you acknowledging the Jubrin story? I thought blood is blood, whether Black or White.

Buhari:
Even the BBC speaks Pidgin English. I was dying when I arrived in London. Insha Allah, a brother Muslim, Alhaji Mohammed Ibrahim who died of an IED accident in London was my savior. His family agreed to donate his body to me. Every organ was transplanted except his brain. Doctors said the brain dies after five minutes.
My kidneys, ears, liver, heart, and lungs are from Jubrin. May Allah be with him.
He must be enjoying his seven virgins in Heaven.
While in Abuja, I was getting blood transfusions every day and I was still dying. It is either it is Black blood or PDP blood donors. Most Nigerian doctors are PDP members.
I go to London for treatments to avoid the Nigerian PDP doctors. They may even inject poison into my body to kill me.

Africastallestman:
Is it why your ear resembles Jubrin’s ears? But your son was saved by PDP doctors.

Buhari:
I would rather be alive than worry about resembling a dead man.
My son is not the President. He is an unemployed youth whose only fun is riding expensive power bikes. It will serve the PDP no purpose to kill him.

Africastallestman:
There is a provision in the Nigerian Constitution guaranteeing free medical care for Presidents and ex-Presidents and their families including foreign medical care.

Buhari:
I am flouting the Constitution and it is the right of every President to flout the Constitution. It started with Obasanjo. What prevents President Atiku Abubakar from delaying my London trips for White blood transfusions. Remember I threw his company, INTELS out of our ports.

Africastallestman:
What will happen after your second term?

Buhari:
Didn’t Obasanjo try for a third term? I will try for a third term to prolong my life. If I fail, it is the will of God.

Africastallestman:
Will you drop your re-election plans if Atiku undertakes publicly to continue to fly you to London for treatments.

Buhari:
That is too risky. Nigerian Politicians do not honor agreements. Saraki, Ekweremadu, and Dogara are occupying seats in the National Assembly meant for others.

Africastallestman:
Have you found your WASC?

Buhari:
Yes, but the rats that invaded my office while I was in London ate it.

Africastallestman:
Do you think a Nigerian judge will accept that excuse after you disgraced and removed Justice Adewale? Justice Adewale did you a favor by adjourning your certificate case till after the 2015 election.

Buhari:
I do not plan to have my attorney influence any judge this time. The EFCC and DSS will be deployed against any judge who tries to disqualify me.

Africastallestman:
You appear to have taken care of everything that will guarantee your re-election.

Buhari:
Yes, Africastallestman, the new electronic voting system will make vote manipulation easy. If Russian hackers can influence the 2016 US Presidential Elections, a few Russian or Israeli hackers can change the election results guaranteeing my victory.

Africastallestman:
Thank you, Alhaji President for finding time to talk to Africastallestman again. I hope to interview you after the election.

Buhari:
You are welcome. Where is that brown envelope?

Africastallestman:
Don’t worry Sir, my Kene Na Pepe is writing for me outside your gates. Give the transport money to the poor of the world’s poverty capital.