NEW NAIRA NOTES AND REMOTE BANKING — COMMUNIQUE BY ALHAJI GEMALIEL EMEFIELE
I, Alhaji Gamaliel Emeifele, of the CBN — Central Bank of Nigeria hereby decrees that:
Old Naira notes shall become illegal tender on January 31, 2023
Anyone found with old Naira notes is subject to arrest
Henceforth, all banking transactions must be electronic
Those without electricity and internet access
Should contact Witches and Wizards in their communities
Witches and Wizards can remotely transfer cash to banks
Please treat this with utmost urgency as the
DSS is trying to arrest me, the CBN Governor for giving
A month, instead of a two-week window, for exchanging old Naira notes
I hope Peter Obi shall extend the window for exchanging old Naira notes on May 29, 2023.
Let me retire into my lair somewhere in Panama
I see some shadowy figures through my window
If the CABAL can kidnap Mazi Nnamdi Kanu
The CABAL, which I helped loot the Nigerian Treasury,
Can kidnap me from Panama with Colombian mercenaries
President Jovenel Moïse of Haiti did not heed my advice and
He was killed by the Colombians in his Port au Prince bedroom
However, I am safe with Odeshi and Anunuebe protecting me
Nigerian Voodoo is the strongest in the world
Stronger than Haitian voodoo which is Nigerian voodoo that lost its potency as
It crossed the Atlantic Ocean during the trans-Atlantic slave trade.
Bye for now!