AFRICASTALLESTMAN INTERVIEWS ALHAJI ADAMU ADAMU ON NIGERIA’S NEW LANGUAGE POLICY

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
O ku ale, Alhaji

ALHAJI ADAMU ADAMU:
Africastallestman, are you cursing me?

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
No, it is good evening in Yoruba.

ALHAJI ADAMU ADAMU:
On hiri e jam Jam hirdhon.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Are the Terrorists closing in on Abuja?

ALHAJI ADAMU ADAMU:
No, it is good evening in Fulfulde.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Let’s cut to the chase. How are you going to instruct Nigerian school children in 500 local languages?

ALHAJI ADAMU ADAMU:
The teachers will be using texts written in English but will translate the material on the spot into the local languages. While they are teaching with this adhoc methodology, we are seeking 1,000,000 authors to write textbooks in the local languages.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Why not wait until the textbooks are written? Where are you going to get the money? Remember, Nigeria is the poverty capital of the world.

ALHAJI ADAMU ADAMU:
Nigeria is no longer the poverty capital of the world. In preparations for the 2023 Presidential Elections, Alhaji, Chief, Asiwaju, Jagabond Adekunle Bola Ahmed Tinubu has distributed enough eba, agbado, beans, and ewedu to lift all Nigerians out of poverty.
We will borrow another 1 trillion dollars to finance education.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Was your government deliberately starving Nigerian prior to the election?
Who is going to loan your government 1 trillion dollars when the Naira is trading at 1,000 to one dollar?

ALHAJI ADAMU ADAMU:
No, the eba, agbado, beans, and ewedu were being imported and were delayed due to supply chain issues.
China has promised to lend us the money if we include Chinese as a local language.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
With Chinese included, how do you teach 501 languages to school children in Lagos, Abuja, Kaduna, Enugu, Benin, Ibadan… where all 501 languages are spoken?

ALHAJI ADAMU ADAMU:
Nigerians are resilient and Ingenuous. If Nigerians can survive 8 years of Buhari, Nigerian teachers can devise a way of teaching 501 languages in one school.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Alhaji, did you think about the practical difficulties before implementing this policy because this is an unworkable policy.

ALHAJI ADAMU ADAMU:
Unworkable, is this a joke? We just discovered oil in the North when no one thought there is oil in the North.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
We? Do you mean that oil in the North belongs to the North and Niger Delta oil belongs to Nigeria?

ALHAJI ADAMU ADAMU:
Yes, minerals in the North belong to the North.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Now, I understand the call for restructuring.

ALHAJI ADAMU ADAMU:
If I hear that word again, I’ll hand you over to the DSS.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
No, you can’t.

“I am an international journalist,” says Africastallestman as he makes a run for the exit before he is extraordinarily renditioned to Niger Republic for trial under Sharia law.
“Who also wants to be beaten by Alhaja Aisha Adamu, the Minister’s wife, in the Aso Rock Underground Prison?”
Since the other Aisha beat Aminu Adamu and broke her leg in the process, every journalist in Nigeria is deadly afraid to criticize the Buhari Government.