RESOLUTIONS TO BE ADOPTED AT CHOGM — COMMONWEALTH HEADS OF GOVERNMENT MEETING IN KIGALI, RWANDA

Since the Queen or King of England is the life-long Dictator of Britain, I, Paul Kagame, the life-long Dictator of Rwanda hereby move that African Presidents become life-long Dictators.
Motion seconded by Yoweri Museveni, the life-long Dictator of Uganda, thirded by Paul Biya, the life-long Dictator of Cameroon, and supported by Muhammadu Buhari, the Dictator of Nigeria.

Since Rwanda extraordinarily renditioned Paul Rusesabagina and Nigeria extraordinarily renditioned a British citizen, Mazi Nnamdi Kanu, I, Prince Charles, the next life-long Dictator of Britain hereby move that extraordinary rendition becomes part of the Commonwealth Charter.
Motion seconded by Paul Biya, the life-long Dictator of the Cameroon, thirded by Yoweri Museveni, the life-long Dictator of Uganda, and Cyril Ramaphosa, the President of South Africa abstained.

Since Britain left the European Union for no tangible reasons, I, Mia Amor Mottley, the Prime Minister of Barbados hereby move that any Commonwealth nation can remove the British monarch as Head of State for no reason, and can exit the Commonwealth — Commonexit — for no reasons.
Motion seconded by Anthony Albanese, the Prime Minister of Australia, thirded by Justin Trudeau, the Prime Minister of Canada, and supported by Andrew Holness, the Prime Minister of Jamaica.

Since we are a Commonwealth, I, James Marape, the Prime Minister of Papua New Guinea hereby move that Commonwealth nations must equitably share all resources.
Motion seconded by Kausea Natano, the Prime Minister of Tuvalu, thirded by Muhammadu Buhari, the Dictator of Nigeria, and supported by Timothy Harris, the Prime Minister of Nevis and St. Kitts.  

Since Paul Kagame, the life-long Dictator of Rwanda, Yoweri Museveni, the life-long Dictator of Uganda, and Muhammadu Buhari, the Dictator of Nigeria decide on who gets bailed in their various countries, I, Prince Charles, the next life-long Dictator of Britain hereby move that all Commonwealth Head of Government must determine who gets bailed in their respective countries.
Motion seconded by Faure Gnassingbé, the life-long Dictator of Togo, thirded by Ali Bongo Ondimba, the life-long Dictator of Gabon, and Cyril Ramaphosa, the President of South Africa abstained.

It was unanimously adopted by voice vote to rename CHOGM, Conference Honoring Ogres Gourmandizing Mortals.