AFRICASTALLESTMAN INTERVIEWS CZAR PUTIN ON THE ‘SPECIAL MILITARY OPERATION’ IN UKRAINE

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Good morning Czar, sorry President Putin.

CZAR PUTIN:
Good morning Africastallestman, I do not mind being addressed as Czar.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Russia is the largest country in the world occupying 11 percent of the earth’s landmass. Why do you want to seize more of the world’s landmass?

CZAR PUTIN:
The Soviet Union occupied 50 percent of the earth’s landmass and gradually Nazis are taking over the land given to Russia by God.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Does God speak with you?

CZAR PUTIN:
God speaks to the Patriarch of the Russian Orthodox Church and the Patriarch speaks with me every day. It is like having a direct line to God.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
There is no mention of a special military operation in the Bible. All the fights in the Bible were wars.

CZAR PUTIN:
The Ukrainians speak Russian and are Russians who have converted to Nazism. Russians still love Ukrainians and that’s why God said we should label it a “Special Military Operation.”

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Under Stalinist rule, every Soviet citizen spoke Russian. Either you learn Russian in your home or you are sent to the Siberian Gulag to learn Russian in a labor camp. That’s why Ukrainians speak Russian.

CZAR PUTIN:
Are you a real African or an American disguised as an African. You seem to have a lot of knowledge of current affairs which is lacking in Africans.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
I understand your special military operation to seize Crimea since Crimea has the best dairy cream in the world. What will Russia gain by seizing Dumbass, not only an ass but also a dumb one?

CZAR PUTIN:
Africastallestman, it is Donbas, not Dumbass.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Whatever, is your quest for land insatiable? You have seized parts of Ukraine, Moldova, Georgia, and Germany—Kramatorsk. When are you going to stop the land grab?

CZAR PUTIN:
Russia does not want NATO on her borders.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Estonia and Latvia border Russia and you have not attacked those countries. Maybe, countries are joining NATO to prevent you from launching special military operations to expand the Soviet Empire.
Also there are no NATO nuclear weapons in the NATO countries bordering Russia. With Russian and US nuclear-armed submarines prowling the oceans, land-based nuclear missiles are not necessary to ensure mutually assured destruction—MAD.
If you seize all of Europe, NATO is still 21 miles away in Britain. This is within the range of US howitzers.
Your aggression is pushing Finland and Sweden into NATO.

CZAR PUTIN:
You got me on that one, maybe, I just want to reestablish the USSR.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Are you wearing your red underwear today?

CZAR PUTIN:
How do you know the color of my underwear?

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
American satellites are permanently positioned over Russia and one may be peering into your bedroom. Doesn’t that make you rethink your expansionism since everything is visible from space?

CZAR PUTIN:
The Nazis killed 27 million Russians. I do not want Nazis on my borders.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
You claim to hate Nazis but you love German Euros and Germany is your biggest trading partner.

CZAR PUTIN:
There are no more Nazis in Germany, we killed all German Nazis after World War II.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
This your special military operation is not going according to your plans. Despite having no military background, you have assumed command of the Russian Army. This reminds me of another Nazi, the Führer who probably lost World War II because he assumed command of his military.

CZAR PUTIN:
Are you implying I am a Nazi? If I imprison you in Siberia, no African country will intercede on your behalf.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Are there Nazis in Russia?

CZAR PUTIN:
Yes of course, any Russian who collaborates with foreigners is a Nazi. Curiously, their names start with the letter N—Navalny, Nemtsov, Netanyahu….

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Netanyahu?

CZAR PUTIN:
You forgot Netanyahu’s father was born in Poland which was part of the USSR. After Ukraine, the next special military operation will be against Poland.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
What do you do to Russian Nazis?

CZAR PUTIN:
I have assassinated a few, poisoned many, and imprisoned thousands in labor camps.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Führer, sorry Czar, am I safe in Russia?

CZAR PUTIN:
I like you because you always say it as it is whether you are discussing the Americans, the British, the Chinese, or the Russians.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
The European and American Nazis who were on your side during World War II are now on the Ukrainian side.

CZAR PUTIN:
Ukraine has become so nazified that the Ukrainian President, who is a Jew is also a Nazi. Nazis cannot be trusted. Ukrainian Nazis tore up the Minsk Agreement that could have made Ukraine a Federation in Russia.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
You were buddy buddy with President Donald Trump of America who was also buddy buddy with American Nazis. Is this your Nazi thing not a smokescreen?

CZAR PUTIN:
No, it is not, my fear of Nazis is real.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Why would you label Volodymyr Zelensky whose relatives were killed by Nazis, a Nazi?

CZAR PUTIN:
Why do Africans whose forebears were sold into slavery still selling Africans into slavery today?

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
I see your point. Going to another topic, why do you keep threatening nuclear war, are you immune to nuclear weapons?

CZAR PUTIN:
Any Russian who got the Sputnik coronavirus vaccine is immune to nuclear weapons. That’s why we named it sputnik. No other vaccine can protect you against nuclear bombs.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
How do you think this war will end?

CZAR PUTIN:
If the US-led sanctions become unbearable, another Czar may poison or overthrow me and end the war,

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Thank you Czar for taking time out of your military duties to talk to me.

CZAR PUTIN:
Goodbye, do not fly over Ukraine as Russian missiles are flying all over the Ukrainian airspace.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
No problem, I only fly on African Witch Airlines. Witch airlines are missile- and nuclear-proof.