AFRICASTALLESTMAN INTERVIEWS ALHAJI, SHEIKH, IMAM ABUBAKAR GUMI, CHIEF IMAM TO BOKO HARAM, ISWAP, FULANI BANDITS, AND FULANI TERRORIST HERDSMEN

AFRICASTALLESTMAN INTERVIEWS ALHAJI, SHEIKH, IMAM ABUBAKAR GUMI, CHIEF IMAM TO BOKO HARAM, ISWAP, FULANI BANDITS, AND FULANI TERRORIST HERDSMEN

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Good Afternoon Alhaji, Sheik, Imam.

ALHAJI SHEIK IMAM ABUBAKAR GUMI:
Good afternoon, Africastallestman.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Why are you not in DSS Gulag, sorry custody?

ALHAJI SHEIK IMAM ABUBAKAR GUMI:
Why is Father Mbaka not in DSS custody? Please, stop discriminating against Islamic priests. I am a priest as Mbaka and we both wear white robes.

Do you arrest Catholic priests for hearing confessions? Islamic Terrorists and Islamic Bandits confess to me as Christian Terrorists confess to Mbaka.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
There are no Christian Terrorists or Christian Bandits in Nigeria.

ALHAJI SHEIK IMAM ABUBAKAR GUMI:
Are IPOB*, MEND**, and YLM*** not Christian organizations?

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
You are wrong Alhaji, there are Islamists in those organizations. Alhaji Asari-Dokubo of MEND is not a Christian as are many IPOB and YLM members. MNK is a Jew.

ALHAJI SHEIK IMAM ABUBAKAR GUMI:
If there are Islamists in those organizations, why are they against RUGANIZATION of Nigeria?

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Is there any mention of RUGA in the Bible or Quran? Nigerians are protesting the nepotistic and homicidal politics of Buhari and not Islam.

ALHAJI SHEIK IMAM ABUBAKAR GUMI:
You are right, there is no mention of RUGA in the Quran.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Why have you not given the location of Islamic Terrorists, Terrorist Herdsmen, and Terrorist Bandits to security personnel?

ALHAJI SHEIK IMAM ABUBAKAR GUMI:
Priests, Imams, and Rabbis cannot disclose confidential, religious information to civil authorities, only to God. I’ll rather die than disclose confidential terrorist and banditry information. 
If you describe Bandits as Terrorists, I shall issue a fatwa on you.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
You warned that Bandits must not be designated as Terrorists. What shall happen if Bandits are designated as Terrorists?

ALHAJI SHEIK IMAM ABUBAKAR GUMI:
They will kidnap Buhari and demand the National budget as ransom. Who loses – all Nigerians?
On a more serious note, Bandits, when labeled as Terrorists cannot use commercial banks to collect ransom – I lose my tithe – Zakat.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Are you a Terrorist pretending to be an Imam?

ALHAJI SHEIK IMAM ABUBAKAR GUMI:
Have you seen me brandishing an AK-47 or wearing an improvised explosive device?

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
You must be a billionaire. Africastallestman understands you charge a 10% fee.

ALHAJI SHEIK IMAM ABUBAKAR GUMI:
I do not charge fees to negotiate a ransom. The Terrorists and Bandits pay a tithe – Zakat – on their own volition. There is no set percentage, it can be as high as 20 percent.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Twenty percent…! Tithe – Zakat – for doing what?

ALHAJI SHEIK IMAM ABUBAKAR GUMI:
What does Osinbajo’s church do for worshippers to collect tithe from worshippers?

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Alhaji, do you need an assistant,  I shall change my name to Azeez and become an Islamist. The economic conditions in Nigeria are perilous and worsening by the hour!

ALHAJI SHEIK IMAM ABUBAKAR GUMI:
alhamdu lilahi rabi al alamin

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Am I safe? Did you summon Bandits or Terrorists?

ALHAJI SHEIK IMAM ABUKAKAR GUMI:
No, it means, ‘Praise be to Allah’ in Arabic. One more convert to Islam. It is those pesky Biafrans with their IPOB and Mazu Nnamdi Kanu – MNK – that is styming our efforts to dip the Quran into the Atlantic  Ocean.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Alhaji, thank you for your time, I have to leave as I see many shadowy figures in the background.

ALHAJI SHEIK IMAM ABUBAKAR GUMI:
Don’t worry Africastallestman, those are my bodyguards.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Thanks for your time, Alhaji.

ALHAJI SHEIK IMAM ABUBAKAR GUMI:
Anytime….
Do you have transport money?

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Yes, Alhaji, keep your brown envelope.

ALHAJI SHEIK IMAM ABUBAKAR GUMI:
Bye, African Giant.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Bye, Alhaji.

*IPOB – Indigenous People of Biafra.
**MEND – Movement for the Emancipation of the Niger Delta
***YLM – Yoruba Liberation Movement.

Comments always welcome.

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