Please celebrate a well-deserved death at 100 years

As you celebrate my death, contact the Guinness Book of World Records

A Nigerian living to 100 years is worth documenting

Most Nigerians have turned to dust before age 60

Here’s my biographical autobiography

Lost philandering twin half-brother at 85 to AIDS

Father killed by Fulani Terrorist Herdsmen, then known as itinerant cattle rearers at 45.

Mum succumbed to Ebola imported from Liberia at 96

Another brother claimed by cerebral malaria at 6

One sister bled to death after delivering tenth baby at 30

Another sister clubbed to death at 35 by jealous husband

All four children died before age 50 – Typhoid, Malaria, Yellow Fever, and Black Fever

Black Fever is euphemism for hunger, which is headquartered in Nigeria

Survived Biafra-Nigeria war, survived several Python Dancing (Killings) by the Nigerian Army

Survived ten car crashes, including plunging into a river when bridge collapsed

Survived Buhari I, Buhari II, Boko Haram, Al Qaeda Haram, Kidnappers, stray bullets, and Ritualists

Will have survived Buhari III until claimed by drinking garri

Garri shared with rats infected with Lassa fever virus.

Despite all trials, tribulations, torture, and deprivations, lived to 100 years

A celebration is in order, no crying, no flagellation, no regrets, and no remorse

Go ahead and enjoy my well-deserved death.

Only a handful of Nigerians will join my elite club of centenarians.

Comments always welcome.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.