CELEBRATION OF A DEATH!
Please celebrate a well-deserved death at 100 years
As you celebrate my death, contact the Guinness Book of World Records
A Nigerian living to 100 years is worth documenting
Most Nigerians have turned to dust before age 60
Here’s my biographical autobiography
Lost philandering twin half-brother at 85 to AIDS
Father killed by Fulani Terrorist Herdsmen, then known as itinerant cattle rearers at 45.
Mum succumbed to Ebola imported from Liberia at 96
Another brother claimed by cerebral malaria at 6
One sister bled to death after delivering tenth baby at 30
Another sister clubbed to death at 35 by jealous husband
All four children died before age 50 – Typhoid, Malaria, Yellow Fever, and Black Fever
Black Fever is euphemism for hunger, which is headquartered in Nigeria
Survived Biafra-Nigeria war, survived several Python Dancing (Killings) by the Nigerian Army
Survived ten car crashes, including plunging into a river when bridge collapsed
Survived Buhari I, Buhari II, Boko Haram, Al Qaeda Haram, Kidnappers, stray bullets, and Ritualists
Will have survived Buhari III until claimed by drinking garri
Garri shared with rats infected with Lassa fever virus.
Despite all trials, tribulations, torture, and deprivations, lived to 100 years
A celebration is in order, no crying, no flagellation, no regrets, and no remorse
Go ahead and enjoy my well-deserved death.
Only a handful of Nigerians will join my elite club of centenarians.