ASO ROCK RATS SPILL THE BEANS
(Buhari Does Not Want To Run)
“I wish Nigerians will listen to us. We may be rats, but we overhear every conversation in every Nigerian home including Aso Rock,” declared Hon. Rattus Niger, the President of the Nigerian Rats Association in Abuja.
This is what transpired in Aso Rock, five days ago.
PRESIDENT MUHAMMADU BUHARI:
I cannot continue. My body and spirit are tired. I cannot last four more years as President.
ALHAJI ABBA KYARI:
Mr Integrity, do you want Alhaji Atiku Abubakar to expose the corruption in your Administration?
Alhaji Jubrin from Sudan will deputize for you as needed. Nobody is paying attention to Mazi Nnamdi Kanu, if they did, the National Assembly would have impeached you.
ALHAJI ISMAILA FUNTUA:
Baba, not yet, we still have some unfinished business with the CBN and Godwin Emefiele.
ALHAJI MAMMAN DAURA:
PDP just found out about Alhaji Muhammadu Sani Musa, our APC member who supplied the card readers. Alhaji Musa is also the APC Senatorial Candidate for Niger East Senatorial District.
I hope he did not tamper with the card readers. First it was Buhari’s niece, Alhaja Amina Zakari being made Chief Collation Officer, and now this scandal.
With our plans exposed, Alhaji Professor Mahmood Yakubu must cancel the election.
We need a plan B. Plan B is to use our Terrorist Herdsmen to scare people from the polls.
Alhaji Mallam El-Rufai will announce massive massacres of Christians in Kaduna on the eve of the election to scare away PDP voters.
Sympathetic APC Governors will make similar announcements of Unknown Fulani Terrorist Herdsmen going on a nationwide rampage to suppress PDP votes.
ALHAJI JUBRIN AL-SUDANI:
My contract with you is for eight years. If Muhammadu is not running, just pay the rest of the money and I will fly to Khartoum on Badr Airlines, first flight in the morning.
ALHAJI LAWAL DAURA:
Not so fast Jubrin. Attorney Bruce Fein just filed criminal charges against President Muhammadu Buhari and Lieutenant General Yusuf Buratai at the International Criminal Court. You may have to play Buhari at the Court.
Muhammadu Buhari is running, that is running for the Presidency of Nigeria, not running from Fatou Bensouda, the Chief Prosecutor of the ICC.
We did not pay you billions of Naira to be a part-time Buhari. You are Buhari till death and you’ll be buried in Daura, not Khartoum. I still run the DSS, Yusuf Magaji Bichi is just a Fake Director, he takes orders from me.
Any false move, my masked men will track you down and kill you and nothing will happen.
PRESIDENT MUHAMMADU BUHARI:
Why are you quarreling? Did I eat breakfast? When is Atiku going to be sworn in?
ALHAJI ABBA KYARI:
He did not take his morning medicine. He may need to go back to the London Hospital For Unknown Illnesses, for more treatment.
If Buhari fails to win, our Fulani Herdsmen will foment so much trouble that Buhari will declare a state of emergency, and rule by martial law till 2023.
That is their plan C, according to Hon. Rattus Niger.
Africastallestman foresees turbulent, troubling, and sanguineous times ahead.