SHEIK RECEP TAYYIP ERDOGAN, PRESIDENT OF TURKEY CALLS EMIR MUHAMMADU BUHARI, PRESIDENT OF NIGERIA
ERDOGAN:
Hello Emir, how are you? Is your unknown illness getting better? You can come over to Ankara, if London cannot treat you.
BUHARI:
Thank you, Sheik. I may take you up on the treatment offer. My doctors are giving me ten injections a day and still I am not getting better. Luckily, my Cabal is taking care of things for me, while I am in London. My Christian Vice President is trying to exert himself, but the Cabal has him caged.
ERDOGAN:
That infidel Trump has imposed sanctions on Turkey and my currency is almost worthless. We sorely need dollars from Nigeria. After all, why are we members of the OIC and D-8? It is to wither attacks, such as this one from Infidels and Unbelievers.
BUHARI:
Nigeria just bought a decrepit refinery from Turkey and Trump has threatened to block the shipment of spare parts. We are in a fix and Trump may block oil exports from Nigeria to the US. Currently, we are not shipping much oil to the US but, exports may rebound as oil prices fall.
By the way, I hope there are no Turkish rats in the refinery? Some of the rats that drove me out of my office in Abuja, are from Turkey. They must have entered Nigeria with the decrepit hospital equipment shipped to Abuja from Ankara.
ERDOGAN:
I will do my best to eliminate the rats. Turkey also has used tires, used generators, and used politicians for export. The new bridge over the Bosporus is underutilized and we can ship it to Nigeria to become the Second Niger Bridge.
BUHARI:
Sheik, how do you know so much about Nigeria? I do not plan to build any Second Niger Bridge. It is a ploy to get those infidels to vote for me.
ERDOGAN:
Talking about infidels, I have the Fethullah Gülen problem and you have the Shi’a problem. You can kill Shi’as, but we cannot kill Gülenists in Turkey. There are millions of Turkish citizens employed as laborers in Europe, especially in Germany. They may be treated harshly or expelled if we start violating human rights. Our prior violation of human rights has prevented Turkey from joining the European Union.
BUHARI:
I do not have a human rights problem in Nigeria. My security forces can kill at will and nothing will happen. I use the Army as my Police and the Police to disarm citizens.
Are those used tires, used generators, and used politicians Islamic? I have my own Fethullah Gülen problem in the person of Mazi Nnamdi Kanu, but I sent armed Pythons after him. He has been disappeared.
ERDOGAN:
Nnamdi Kanu is no Fethullah Gülen. 265 people were killed in the Turkish coup. Kanu has not killed one person. I will take Kanu over Gülen.
BUHARI:
I am doing my best to Islamize Nigeria. That’s why I am seeking a second term to complete my Jihad.
ERDOGAN:
Of course. Turkey is under Sharia law. How is the Fulani Jihad going? You remind me of the Ottoman Turks.
BUHARI:
Yes, the Fulanis are the Ottoman Turks of Africa, but we need help from the OIC and D-8.
ERDOGAN:
Turkey as a member of the OIC and D-8 will help with logistics and weapons. But I must be careful not to export US Technology. Turkey is looking East to Russia.
BUHARI:
Russia?
ERDOGAN:
Yes, there are Islamists in Russia and if they keep reproducing at Islamic rates, an Islamic Russian President will emerge in 2080. Britain will be ruled by an Islamist in 2050 and Germany in 2060. Europe will be Islamized through politics and Africa by conquest.
BUHARI:
Insha Allah, Islam will rule the world. Trump cannot stop it with his nuclear bombs.
ERDOGAN:
Thank you, Emir, for helping Turkey in her time of need. We also have used Hijab, Niqab, Burqa, Chador, and Jilbab/Abaya for export. Some of the pictures of women coming out of Nigeria are un-Islamic and are abominable to any Islamist.
BUHARI:
Thanks, Sheik for your Sukkuk loans. I heard you had to borrow money from non-Islamic Western Nations to finance those loans. We hope Trump does not cajole the donors to demand early repayment. Nigeria has borrowed almost one trillion dollars under my tutelage.
ERDOGAN:
I hope not. Turkey is also exporting used roads to Indonesia, another oil-producing OIC and D-8 member. Bangladesh needs used houses, especially with the influx of 600,000 Rohingya Muslims into Bangladesh. Muslims are under siege worldwide except in Nigeria where Islamists are doing the killing.
BUHARI:
Thanks, Sheik for your support of my Government. My next injection is due, and my driver is waiting.
ERDOGAN:
Bye, wish you well, Emir. We need more Islamists like you.