BUHARI, ADEOSUN, BIRDS OF SAME FEATHERS.

BUHARI, ADEOSUN, BIRDS OF SAME FEATHERS.

Following the allegation of NYSC Discharge Certificate forgery, Nigeria’s President, Alhaji Muhammadu Buhari summoned the embattled Mrs. Kemi Adeosun, Nigeria’s Finance Minister to his rat-infested Abuja Office.

Alhaji Buhari:
Mrs Yemi Osibade, what I am hearing?

Mrs. Adeosun:
Good afternoon Baba, it is Kemi Adeosun, not Yemi Osibade.

Alhaji Buhari:
Whatever. I just got off the phone with Jim Yong Kim, the President of the World Bank. The Bank just turned down our loan request for 1 trillion Naira to help our campaign, mobilize for 2019. Furthermore, the Bank is re-examining all outstanding loans in view of the allegations of certificate forgery against you.
Be frank with me. Were those figures you used for the loans, fabricated?

Mrs. Adeosun:
Baba, I passed my WASC, got my undergraduate degree, and forged my NYSC Discharge Certificate. Which is more grievous, forging your WASC Certificate, claiming that rats ate it, or avoiding the NYSC? By the way Sir, you are the only General without PSC behind his name.
Well, those figures submitted to the World Bank were fudged as well as all the budgets since 2015. No one knows the population of the country, especially with the influx of foreign herdsmen.
How can I plan when we have no valid National Statistics?

Alhaji Buhari:
Are you talking about my WASC?

Mrs. Adeosun:
Yes, Baba.

Alhaji Buhari:
Why didn’t you to go court to have the court approve your NYSC Discharge Certificate forgery?

Mrs. Adeosun:
I had no chance. Fulani Terrorist Herdsmen killed the mother of the man at the NYSC Secretariat who forged my discharge certificate. He was so incensed that he went to the press. I had no chance to do an ‘Adewale” on him. If you had restrained the herdsmen, this situation will never have arisen.

Alhaji Buhari:
Haba, these herdsmen. They are supposed to check with authorities before they attack any town or village. You see, they are foreigners and do not know the country. Nasr el-Rufai will have paid them to avoid that Berom village. Now we have a big crisis. By Adewale, do you mean the 500,000 Naira condolence visit paid by my lawyer to Jusctice Adewale?

Mrs. Adeosun:
Yes Baba, I even offered him 5 million Naira to keep quiet but it was too late. You have to restrict these herdsmen or you can kiss 2019 goodbye.

Alhaji Buhari:
Mrs. Osibade, you have to resign or the opposition will exploit this forgery saga.

Mrs. Adeosun:
Me resign keh, no way. If I resign, the opposition will be calling for your head also. Remember that you did not pass WASC and your case was postponed, not decided.

Alhaji Buhari:
You made a good point Yemi, we will sweep this under the carpet as with Maina, Babachir, Buratai, Baru, etc.
You can go back to work.

Mrs. Adeosun:
Yes Baba.
Mrs. Adeosun ruminating, “Birds of the same feathers flock together. The fish starts rotting from the head. This Presidency is a forgery and they want to kill me over an NYSC Certificate, when the NYSC can grant you an exemption. Let me go back to my office, change the numbers and resubmit to the World Bank.”

NYSC – National Youth Service Corps.
PSC – Passed Staff College.
WASC – West African School Certificate.

Comments always welcome.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.