Following the disavowing of Fulani Terrorist attacks on Nigerians as terrorism, Britain has re-evaluated terrorist attacks in Britain and reclassified them. Jihadist Terrorist killings in Nigeria by Fulani Terrorist Murderers, euphemistically dubbed Herdsmen, has been portrayed by the hypocritical British Government as farmer – herdsmen boxing matches. A boxing match whereby the Fulanis have K-47s and the Farmers have zilch. It is this reclassification of terrorism in Nigeria that made Britain redefine prior terrorist incidents on the British homeland.

On re-examination of the so-called terrorist attacks in Britain, it was discovered that:

1. Islamic teenagers with Ramadan fireworks accidentally exploded them on the public transit system killing some people and wounding many more.
2. Islamic drivers used to drive on the right side of the road, lost control of their vehicles while practicing for the Id el Fitr parade. Some pedestrians and bystanders were killed or injured.
3. Islamists practicing the slaughtering of Id el Fitr rams inadvertently slashed some British Citizens killing some and wounding many.
4. Just as in our former colonies such as Nigeria, killings by Islamists are the result of boxing accidents, accidental explosion of fireworks, ram killing gone awry, and inexperienced Islamic drivers unfamiliar with driving in a new environment.

The Prime Minister has decided to immediately ban Islamists from purchasing fireworks, driving on public streets, or purchasing knives. The British Government hereby bans the conveyance of fireworks on public transportation systems by Islamists. Non-Islamists can continue to carry fireworks on public transit systems. Additionally, the Prime Minister urges President Muhammadu Buhari of Nigeria to ban cows from farms and highways to prevent boxing matches between farmers and cow herders, or motorists and cow herders, which sometimes results in the death of the farmers and drivers.

Furthermore all Id el Fitr rams will be slaughtered by the British Government to prevent future knifing incidents. Britons are hereby urged to go about their normal businesses as there has never been, nor will there be, a terrorist attack in Britain. Islamists especially foreign Islamists recognize that the British people love foreign Islamists more than foreign Christians. Foreign Islamists obey us while foreign Christians argue with and challenge us.

Shh! That must be Buhari’s aircraft landing for another visit with his doctors and to receive instruction from White Hall on prosecuting his Jihad.

Comments always welcome.

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