AN INTERVIEW WITH AN OHANEZE “CHIEFTAIN.”

AN INTERVIEW WITH AN OHANEZE “CHIEFTAIN.”

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Good day, Chieftain.

CHIEFTAIN:
Good day, Africastallestman.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
I have noticed that every member of Ohaneze is a Chief or Chieftain. The dictionary formally defines Chieftain as the leader of a people or clan and informally as a powerful member of an organization.
How did the Igbos go from “Igbo enwe Eze,” to “Igbo obuna be Eze?”
If every member of Ohaneze is a Chief or Chieftain, where is the Oha or people?

CHIEFTAIN:
The Igbos are very competitive. Having lagged behind other tribes in not having Ezes (Igbo enwe Eze), the only way to catch up, is by making every Igbo, an Eze (Igbo obuna be Eze).

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Interesting, if every member is powerful or is a chief, who is the leader of the organization? Could this be the cause of the constant leadership tussle in the organization?

CHIEFTAIN:
To create a hierarchy, Ohaneze has adopted a hierarchy of Chiefs. There are High Chiefs, Chiefs, and Imperial Chiefs. Ohaneze purposely eliminated the position of low Chief to spare some members embarrassment.
Your designation is a reflection of your wealth. Imperial Chiefs are wealthiest, followed by High Chiefs, and then Chiefs or low Chiefs.
Ohaneze does not need Oha (masses), because the low Chiefs are the Oha. The hierarchical structure of Ohaneze ensures that only the Imperial and High Chiefs are heard at meetings. A non-Chief or Oha present at our meeting may be used as an errand boy to buy granotu.
Leadership tussles have been reduced because everyone is a Leader.
Ohaneze recently sent 200 Chieftains for a recent meeting with Alhaji Muhammadu Buhari, the President of Nigeria. The meeting was a farce, but everyone got a photo opportunity. The other tribes would have sent three or less Leaders.
As you may already know, “Every Igbo is Smarter Than Every Other Igbo.”

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Chieftain, what is granotu?

CHIEFTAIN:
I forgot that you are not Nigerian. It is Igbo for groundnut or peanut.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Why not remove the Oha from Ohaneze to accurately reflect its composition?
Having the Ohaneze moniker gives the impression that the masses are with the Ezes.

CHIEFTAIN:
It enhances our bargaining position as we go to Abuja to negotiate contracts for our members or pick up crumbs from the HausaFulani Cabal tables.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Why has Ohaneze not issued a statement on the missing Igbo leader, Mazi Nnamdi Kanu or MNK?

CHIEFTAIN:
The Chiefs of Ohaneze were alarmed at the glorification and demi-god status of MNK, that they plotted his downfall. God gave us a charismatic, fearless, courageous, universally accepted, and outspoken Igbo leader.
Ohaneze threw him to the crocodiles, sorry pythons. The crocodiles are still chasing the Niger Delta Leaders. Buhari sent pythons after Igbos (Operation Python Dance) and crocodiles after the Niger Delta people (Operation Crocodile Tears). Interestingly, he sent doves to fight the Islamic Boko Haram Terrorists (Operation Lafiya Doye).
I was the only dissenting voice protesting Ohaneze’s attitude and treatment of MNK. I was almost lynched by the other Chiefs. MNK has the Oha, and Ohaneze has the highfalutin titles. Without the Oha, the HausaFulani Terrorist Herdsmen will overrun Igboland.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Do you know or have heard the name Bruce Mayrock?

CHIEFTAIN:
Isn’t that the American rockstar?

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
I mean Bruce Mayrock and not Bruce Springsteen.

CHIEFTAIN:
Well, educate me. There was no social media in our days.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
What do you discuss at Ohaneze meetings, excluding contracts and patronage? I am ashamed, surprised, and disgusted that an Ohaneze Chieftain does not recognize the name, Bruce Mayrock.

CHIEFTAIN:
Africastallestman, does she award contracts?

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Mr. Chieftain, Bruce Mayrock is a 20-year Jewish male student who burnt himself to death in front of the United Nations building in New York, on May 30, 1969. He died protesting Hausa/Fulani/Yoruba/Tiv/Junkun/Kanuri massacre of Biafrans aided by Britain, Russia, and the United States.

CHIEFTAIN:
Please, never, never, again address me as Mr. My full title is Chief Dr Sir Alhaji Okeke Okafor, KSG, JP, MON, Ph.D (University of Okija).

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Chief Dr Sir Alhaji Chieftain, now that you know what Bruce Mayrock did for Biafra, what is Ohaneze planning to do to immortalize him? The Jews mention Ann Frank at every opportunity and her heroism has been turned into a movie. I wish that Biafrans will erect a monument in the center of Igbo land to honor Bruce Mayrock on the fiftieth anniversary of his death on May 30, 2019.

CHIEFTAIN:
Thanks, Africastallestman, I will do my utmost best to introduce the idea at our next meeting. If the other Chiefs pounce on me and clobber me, my only request is that, Africastallestman arranges an overseas treatment for me.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
That’s done, Chief Dr Sir Alhaji Chieftain, as long as you are paying. You will still be treated by a “Biafran” doctor overseas.
By the bush, why are you an Alhaji?

CHIEFTAIN:
I am an emergency Alhaji. I use my Alhaji prefix in Abuja and the Islamic North to garner lucrative government contracts.

AFRICASTALLESTMAN:
Thank you, Chieftain for your time.

CHIEFTAIN:
You are very welcome.

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