APC WINNING STRATEGY
FEDERAL MINISTRY OF MISINFORMATION AND CULTURE
AREA 13, GARIKI
Motto: “If you hear it on the radio, it is true.”
I have been directed by my boss, Alhaji Muhammadu Buhari, the President of Nigeria to publish the names of looters of the Nigerian Economy. All their crimes will be forgiven if they decamp from the PDP to the APC. In the spirit of Easter, for each million Naira allegedly taken, each accused will decamp with 500 supporters. After April 1 2018, the number of supporters required to forgive 1 million Naira will be 1000 supporters and will keep going up till the 2019 elections.
For example, should PDP Chairman Uche Secondus, desire to be forgiven for taking 200 million Naira from Sambo Dasuki, former National Security Adviser, he should decamp with 100,000 supporters to the APC (Another Platform for Corruption). Corruption is legal as long as you are on the right platform. Orji Uzo Kalu, Rotimi Amaechi, Bola Tinubu, Abdurasheed Maina, Makanti Baru, Ayo Oke, Babachir Lawal, Musiliu Obanikoro, Sullivan Chime, Abba Kyari, and Usman Yusuf are some of the living witnesses of the power of belonging to the correct corruption platform.
Animals are also welcome to the APC. Cows, especially Fulani cows are welcome. The snake and monkey that absconded respectively with N36 and N70 million have been welcomed to the APC with thousands of their supporters.
The PDP (Platform Designed for Payola) is hereby declared null and ultra vires. Corrupt politicians should decamp immediately to the APC to avoid hounding by the EFCC, CCB, ICPC, BOKO HARAM, FULANI HERDSMEN, ARMY, SARS, POLICE, and ALMAJIRIS.
The snakes and monkeys that have decamped to the APC shall also be used to hunt looters who refuse to decamp to the APC with their supporters.
Alhaji Lie Mohammed
Minister of Misinformation and Culture.
Abuja, March 30, 2018.
Africastallestman believes that this is a great winning strategy that will assure Buhari’s re-election whether Nigerians defend themselves or not. Are Lieutenant Generals Olusegun Obasanjo and T. Y. Danjuma listening?
PDP Chairman Uche Secondus – N200 million – 100,000 Supporters.
Former PDP Financial Secretary* – N600 million – 300,000 Supporters.
Former National Publicity Secretary Olisah Metuh – N1.4 billion – 700,000 Supporters.
Dr Raymond Dokpesi, Chairman of DAAR Communications – N2.1 billion 1,050,000 Supporters.
Former SSA to President Goodluck Jonathan, Dudafa Waripamo-Owei – N830 million – 415,000 Supporters.
Former President Goodluck Jonathan’s Cousin Robert Azibaola – N40 million – 20,000 Supporters.
*Name withheld because negotiations for decamping to the APC are at an advanced stage.
ALMAJIRIS – Fatherless Children in Northern Nigeria, result of child marriages and promiscuity.
CCB – Code of Conduct Bureau.
EFCC – Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (Headed by an illegal and unconfirmable Chairman)
ICPC – Independent Corrupt Practices and Other Related Offenses Commission
SARS – Special Anti-Robbery Squad.