ASO ROCK RATS VEHEMENTLY OPPOSE PRESIDENT MUHAMMADU BUHARI’S BID FOR RE-ELECTION
Nigerian rats under the aegis of the Nigerian Rats Association at a press conference at the Abuja International Conference Centre, vowed to target the home of any politician involved in the scheme to re-elect Buhari.
Their spokes rat, Hon. Rattus Niger documented their travails under the Buhari Administration:
1. Under Obasanjo, Yar’Adua, and Jonathan you could not differentiate between a Fulani and an Itsekiri rat.
2. Under Buhari, Fulani rats have become as big as rabbits.
3. The Fulani rats have vowed to run the non-Fulani rats out of Aso Rock.
4. Igbo, Yoruba, Hausa, Mumuye, Ibibio, Utonkong, Kanuri, and over 300 tribal rats were in Nigeria until Uthman Dan Fodio introduced Fulani rats 200 years ago to Nigeria.
5. Non- Fulani rats are being selectively eliminated by coded poisons. These codes are shared with Fulani rats.
6. Fulani rats are secretly invited into the other room and fed leftovers from the President’s dinner table.
7. All these shenanigans were unknown to the non-Fulani rats until an Hausa-Igbo rat converted to Islam and started gaining weight at a fast rate.
8. When confronted by a group of angry and hungry non-Fulani rats, he spilled the beans – Fulani and Muslim rats are having a jolly good time at the villa.
Hon Rattus Niger obviously incensed declared a war on President Muhammadu Buhari and Fulani rats.
He declared, “Mr. President, we do not go to church or mosque, we do not pray nor tithe and we have declared war on you and your administration. Fulani rats may be bigger than us, but we have the numbers. We are going to drive you out of the other room where you spend most of your time. It took you three months to dislodge three rats from your office. How long do you think it will take you to dislodge millions of rats from Aso Rock? We are giving you enough notice to find alternative accommodation. Any politician supporting your re-election shall also be massively attacked.”
“Finally, our rat neighbors in Ghana, Cameroon, and Benin Republic are ready to join the fight if requested.
The rats in Togo are busy trying to dislodge the Eyadema Family dynasty. I am not going to take any questions from the press.
Thank you.”