1. Can you read scripts on a piece of paper?
2. Can you read scripts moving on a screen (Teleprompter)?
3. Are you good looking?
4. Is your smile infectious?
5. Do you have erectile dysfunction? – male.
6. Are you menopausal? – female.
7. Have you ever been accused, not convicted, or settled a sexual harassment/abuse case?
No experience as a producer, actor, director, news anchor is needed. We will train you. With Charlie Rose, Matt Lauer, Travis Smilley, Dustin Hoffman, Cater Oosterhouse, Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, Russell Simmons, etc, etc, losing their jobs due to sexual harassment/abuse, there are many vacancies in the entertainment industry to be filled with new talent.
You may qualify for instant employment if your answers to questions 1 to 6 are Yes. Answer to question 7 must be no. We will provide training to successful applicants. When we dangle $20 million annual salary in front of you, you will be forced to become a newscaster instantly.
Our political division is looking for:
2. Double speakers.
3. No prior history of sexual abuse or harassment. We are recruiting candidates to replace departing horny lawmakers. Democrats and Republicans preferred but Independents can apply.